Sam I Am (not)

Run! No, wait. Come back!

You’re only allowed a taste,

a taste of freedom

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I took my dog for a walk the other day … and it was good.   I like to walk her late at night, when the streets are quiet and there are few distractions. I love how the nights are starting to get colder now and I can see our breath float up and dissolve into the night as we move along. 

I always gaze up at the moon and the stars as I walk.  I have a habit of finding the big dipper and following it in the sky.  I usually can find at least a few of it’s tell-tale stars quickly enough.  Then, I watch them, and imagine they are also watching me.  Following my every step, like a heavenly bodyguard of sorts.  I wonder how many others there are out walking elsewhere in the night, out of my sight, but not from theirs? 

My dog doesn’t care about the moon or the stars.  She doesn’t look any higher than a few feet above her head.  Instead, she prefers to keep her nose to the ground.  I’m pretty sure there’s no lofty thoughts or dreaming going on in her furry head.  No, she has the gift of being able to completely submerge herself in the present.  Dogs are lucky like that (thus the term “you lucky dog, you!”). 

When we get to the schoolyard, I always let her run free… off leash.  She loves that. She sprints ahead to every tree and bush – as if it is the first time she’s ever had the opportunity to smell anything so interesting.  She runs this way and that, making her mark and claiming all that she encounters as her own territory.  All the while keeping an eye on me and following my lead from afar. 

I can almost hear her groan when I call her back when it’s time to put the leash back on.  She always comes to me when I call her, but I can see the look in her eyes… as if she is saying , “do we really HAVE to put that leash back on me??”.    Still, she comes… and, the leash goes on. She must know it’s for her own good.  She trusts me, and trusts that I will bring her back another day, and we go merrily on our way. 

No wonder she always wants to go for a walk?  Ever hopeful for that taste of freedom… however brief it might be.  

A “taste of freedom” always seems to be all we get, isn’t it? Just a taste.  Just a bit.  Just enough to know it exists, and how good it is – before we slink hesitantly, obediently, back to that leash.  Allowing it to be strapped on around our necks once again.  Sure, we know it’s for our own good, and, so we allow it.  Is that why we allow it?  Sometimes, I wonder.  Without it would we really be doomed to getting hit by a car or some other awful fate?  Or is it that, perhaps, we are just really well trained?  Too use to it’s pull and insecure in our own sense of direction?  Too trusting in our own conditioning?  

Either way, we put it on, and we go along our way… safe and sound… and happily enough.  We feel the pull of that leash guiding us to wherever we have to go.  Every once in a while, we see something we want.  Something exciting.  Something off limits.  So driven, that we might temporarily forget the leash is on – we head off after our momentary heart’s desire… only to get a sharp yank from that leash to remind us of it’s existence and to set us back on track. 

So, what is your leash? Or do you have several?  Some loose with a little give that aren’t so bad.  Some choking you so tightly you will either pass out it will snap in two?  Is it the day to day responsibilities? The demands that come with having a job? a home? a partner? children?
Things that you may have worked so hard to achieve and always wanted? 

Of course I am proud of my work, my home, and especially my family.  My children mean the world to me, and I wouldn’t trade them for anything.  This life is what I have worked hard to create, and will always strive to make better… for my family… for my kids… but, also for myself  – because ultimately, I know that this is what *I* wanted.  Surely, the stresses that come along with having these things are worth any freedoms lost… or responsibilities locked into, right? Are they? Of course. Yes, they must be. 

But, oh…
every once in a while…
it is good to get a taste of that freedom!
A glimpse… a care free night or day… 
and it can feel so good to
run
       Run
                RUN!

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